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When my son was going through cancer, I saw a therapist who would often ask me, “What does self-care look like in Joanney World?” I have learned that especially as a caregiver, self-care is important. But it doesn’t always look the same. And the need didn’t stop when I stopped being his caregiver.

What is Self-care?

Self-care is any activity that you do to take care of your own needs: physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. It will look different for each person and even at different times for the same person.

For people unfamiliar with practicing self-care, there is often an attitude that self-care is selfish. This is especially true with parents whose primary focus is their children and providing for the family. The classic response to this is still the best. When a flight attendant gives the pre-flight instructions they always point out that it is important to put your own oxygen mask on before helping someone else. Self-care is the oxygen mask that allows you to take care of other things in your life.

Let’s look at what self-care has looked like in my life at different times in each of the above areas.

Physically Self-care

This is perhaps the hardest area for me to practice self-care. I am an inactive, overweight, middle-aged woman who tends not to get enough sleep. Obviously, I am preaching to myself as I write about self-care, especially in the physical area.

Boundaries

Sometimes self-care is a matter of setting boundaries. I recently made a career change because the job I was working was physically painful. I had worked in child care for almost 10 years, mostly with school-age children. The last year was with preschoolers and toddlers. Lifting 9 to 11 toddlers 3 or 4 times a day to change their diapers, plus getting down to their level for a myriad of other tasks hurt my back and agitated arthritis in my feet. Self-care meant leaving a career path that I loved and had invested my life in to take care of my body.

Sleep

When I was a single mom, I worked two jobs. Part of the time, the second job was working overnights on the weekends. That meant that I was getting up at 4:00 AM to go to work Monday – Friday, and then taking a nap after work on Friday, so that I could work 10:00 PM to 6:00 AM Friday and Saturday. My sleep schedule was messed up!

My current schedule is not as bad but still means that sleep needs to be intentional. I work as a freelance writer during the day and deliver pizzas at night. If I am scheduled to close, I do not get off work until after midnight (or 1:00 AM on weekends). Self-care in regards to my sleep means that I set an alarm only if I have something on my schedule the next morning and allow myself to take naps when needed.

I use my fitness tracker more as a watch and a sleep tracker than I do to count my steps. I have learned that if I can get 45 minutes to 1 hour of deep sleep, my arthritis hurts less in the morning.

Diet and Exercise

I am lumping these together because these are areas where I need goals, rather than being a good example. Living with my sister who has a more restricted diet than I do is helping me to eat better but it is not yet canceling out the convenience of eating pizza while at work.

My son sets an alarm for noon each day to remind him to take his meds and his walk. He goes outside and walks a lap around the apartment complex in which he lives. He states that it is for his mental health (emotional self-care) but it is also a great way to take care of himself physically. If he can do this while walking with a cane, surely I can implement a little exercise into my day!

Social-Emotional Self-care

This is the area where I have done the most work and feel that I have the best grasp on what self-care looks like. When I was going through my divorce, my therapist would encourage me to be “unapologetically assertive.” It is freeing to learn to recognize and state your own needs, especially when others try to squash them.

Here are a few examples of how I have practiced self-care in my social and emotional life:

• Meeting with a friend at a coffee shop to just talk.
• Writing: journaling, poetry that expresses my feelings, devotionals about events in my life.
• Having a “no.”
• Minimizing my possessions.
• Forgiving myself and others.
• Attending Celebrate Recovery meetings and doing the Step Study.

Spiritual Self-care

No matter how well I am doing in any of the other areas, if I ignore my spiritual life, the rest of my self-care is for naught. My faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior is the key foundation to who I am. Daily Bible reading and prayer, as well as serving in my church and community, are self-care necessities. I admit that I am not always as consistent in these areas as I should be. Attending scheduled Bible Studies with “homework” helps to keep me accountable.

What Does Self-Care Look Like in Your World?

Just as my therapist used to ask me, I now ask you. What does self-care look like in your world? Leave your answer in the comments.